Living life on life terms.
Everyone has an expectation of what their life should be like. Many were raised to believe that if they chose and pursued a particular goal life will take care of them. Many will also agree that choosing and sticking to a goal can propel your life in any direction of your choice. However making a choice is not the only secret to having a peaceful life. The key to successfully achieving your goals. Is the ability to cope with distress while still being able to continue living your life.
This self care practice is a method which incorporates acceptance and self love. Acceptance means that you are okay with your situation despite the circumstance. An example you are a woman who is recently divorced with adult children. There are many things that seem to occur with this life change. As an adult woman you may feel uncomfortable being around mutual friends but would like to continue the friendship. You may feel uneasy visiting your in-laws due to difficult questions or dread the day they may run into their ex’s new significant other. It is possible that you may be the type of divorcee that is okay with the ending of your marriage but uncomfortable dating new people.
Discomfort can come in many forms but to practice getting through this you have to challenge each scenario and be okay with whatever response you receive. If your uncomfortable being around the mutual friends you shared with your ex try to understand that it is okay to feel that way. Since it is a change for everyone involved many may also be uncomfortable. But you have choices you can either accept that your friendship has changed with honesty and communication or move on and accept that your friendship has ended, which is also okay.
If you find yourself avoiding your ex in-laws understand that there will be questions, but you don’t have to answer them. If the questions are personal and causes you distress you have a choice. You can either answer them with honesty and communication or not answer them at all. You don’t owe anyone answers about the choices in your life. Especially if the choice you made is to make your life better.
To some of the women uncomfortable with their ex dating someone else or themselves dating someone new. Try to understand that this discomfort stems from self loathing. Yes we can discuss and overthink various scenarios of why you think your not good enough, but what will it resolve? The truth is the relationship ended out of love and hope that you both deserve to be happy. To make the best out of an unfortunate situation. Understand that you’re perfect the way that you are and if you needed to make a change for a better life than that is okay.
To live life on life terms understand that even though things have not gone as planned. You can still enjoy your life free from regret, resentment or disdain. You can enjoy your life the way it is now. If you don’t have legs instead of loathing about not having legs, crawl. If you cant run, walk. If you cant sing, than talk . Accept and love what you have and you will have peace.
If you are struggling with acceptance and have would like to discuss it with me. Call me at 908-350-8643 or email me at Contact@journeyfulfilled.com to schedule a session. I look forward to working with you
Crystal Evans, LCSW,LCADC